That Lil Brat Revisited

8 months later - I love that lil inner child brat, she is spoiled, fun, easy going, and when she laughs she is so beautiful.
I hold her just tight enough to keep her safe and loose enough to let her run free. I have a partner and friends that love her now and let her play with them and keep her safe too.
That lil brat is not that bad, just took me letting her in to let her loose!

Lightbulb for Lunch

Went to lunch with my co-worker/friend Donna today and as we were eating our delectable fatty horrible for you Mexican food, she said, hey your first doctors appoint is this month! Well she was a day off, but immediately it went thru me. I am still having a hard time believing that I am actually gonna do this shit! I am actually gonna let a surgeon put LONG metal objects in my body and pull out over half of my stomach!!!

I am nervous, excited, scared shitless, happy and mad as hell all at the same time!
I am nervous, I mean my God, gonna have 5 holes cut in me, be under anesthesia for at least an hour, have staples punched into my stomach, have 3/4 of my stomach sucked out one of the 5 holes, and then stuck in the hospital for maybe 2 days. Who wouldn't be!

I am excited because, damn you mean I might actually wear a size 14 again!?!? OMIGOD!!!! I haven't worn that since I was 16, no shit.

Scared shitless - nuff said

Happy that I think I have done some right stuff here! Happy that I took the steps of getting myself mentally healthy before I do the physical healthy, what a freakin concept people!!! Happy that hopefully the blood pressure meds and diuretics will be a thing of the past!! Happy that maybe even that damn CPAP could be gone! Happy that I have a partner and family and friends that support me every step of the way and that love me NO MATTER what I look like, and love me no matter how crazy I really am!

Mad as hell, that I let me get this way to begin with. Mad that I hated myself so much that I maybe tried to punish myself and pad myself to death. Mad that it's taken me this long to finally be so HAPPY!!!
:)