Lightbulb for Lunch

Went to lunch with my co-worker/friend Donna today and as we were eating our delectable fatty horrible for you Mexican food, she said, hey your first doctors appoint is this month! Well she was a day off, but immediately it went thru me. I am still having a hard time believing that I am actually gonna do this shit! I am actually gonna let a surgeon put LONG metal objects in my body and pull out over half of my stomach!!!

I am nervous, excited, scared shitless, happy and mad as hell all at the same time!
I am nervous, I mean my God, gonna have 5 holes cut in me, be under anesthesia for at least an hour, have staples punched into my stomach, have 3/4 of my stomach sucked out one of the 5 holes, and then stuck in the hospital for maybe 2 days. Who wouldn't be!

I am excited because, damn you mean I might actually wear a size 14 again!?!? OMIGOD!!!! I haven't worn that since I was 16, no shit.

Scared shitless - nuff said

Happy that I think I have done some right stuff here! Happy that I took the steps of getting myself mentally healthy before I do the physical healthy, what a freakin concept people!!! Happy that hopefully the blood pressure meds and diuretics will be a thing of the past!! Happy that maybe even that damn CPAP could be gone! Happy that I have a partner and family and friends that support me every step of the way and that love me NO MATTER what I look like, and love me no matter how crazy I really am!

Mad as hell, that I let me get this way to begin with. Mad that I hated myself so much that I maybe tried to punish myself and pad myself to death. Mad that it's taken me this long to finally be so HAPPY!!!
:)