What I Love About You...

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and green.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and meaning.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Punk

F*@kin Liquid Diet!

Who the hell invented this torture?!? For the first time in my life, I am actually commited to a weight loss program, and I gotta tell you, it SUCKS!!! I have not cheated like I usually do, not snuck one single hershey's kiss, not one single M&M not NOTHING, and what do I get? I am STARVING!!! NowI only look forward to one part of my day, dinner!! Thank God Dusty is talented in the grilling department or I would have chewed off at least my left arm to my elbow by now. One shake for breakfast and one for lunch...what a freakin joke!

This is my second week, and I must admitt it's getting easier. My friends call and check on me, I think they are in fear for my cats or even Dusty. Sometimes Pone does tend to look like a tasty piece of fried chicken when the shadows hit him right....I digress...

I am certainly looking forward to a healthier slimmer me, and this is the easy part of it, it will all be worth it, I keep telling myself that, and sometimes myself believes me.

To mention the fact my new deoderant which sounded like such a good idea, Tropical Island, is only making me want a Mounds Bar and a Pina Colada, then to top it all off I don't even get the pleasure of farting anymore, aparently eating healthy eliminates that too, who knew?!? But I am sure Dusty is fine with that one....

Great friendship poem, made me think of my coppah

Not In Her Storm
by Sauni

She lives in this world for the sake of another's heart
God, how she eases the miles when worlds apart
And she never wanders when your world falls throughNot ever in her storm would she do this to you.

She has wings that I know not only I can see
Cause only an angel could find strength to carry me
It's the way that the eyes can surely view
How her heart's written so clearly in what an angel can do

Not in her storm is her work ever done
And even in her storm she hands me the sun
When her world is dark - I always have light
And now how I hold the new color of night.

She takes then she gives to an unhappy face
So that many can find an awesome place
I have been able to love her more every day
And with her hand in mine the clouds roll away.

Not in any storm that I will ever live beneath
Could ever change what I hold here inside of me
Not in any of her storms have I lost my angels touch
To that angel out there, I love her so much.

First Visit

Went on my first wls office visit Friday(7/18/08). Staff was so very nice, knew I liked them when the straight-gay guy was verbally abusing someone posing as a telecommunications salesperson on the other end of the phone. Didn't have to wait long at all. Took my blood pressure, of course it was high, weighed me, which is always a depressing experience, and stood me in front of a doorway and took a Gawd-awful polaroid of me. Trevor let me know the reason they did this is the door way doesn't shrink but I will. That spark of truth and hope made that polaroid worth it, although I think I am going to try to strike some sort of deal with him to burn it later....
It was all so surreal sitting there talking about and setting a date for something I have wanted for so long. When the scheduler was talking to me, I felt myself kinda getting caught up in the moment and in another world, so much so that she had to tell me to write something down. I have really mixed emotions about it right now, but they are all good. I am happy, sad and terrified. I feel like I am being supported so much right now, it's very comforting to know I have a place to land if I do crash from all of this. Dusty is great right now, sometimes I think she doesn't like to talk about the parts that are dangerous with me, cause she is scared too, but I know she is there for me 200%.
Set the date, 9/10/08, need to lose 25lbs by 8/27/08.......

4 Souls Saving Mine

For many years I have been not sure of what a real friendship is. I had many many friends growing up and many friends coming out, but I used to hear that saying of 'if you can count your GREAT friends on one hand you have more than most'. I coudn't. I knew I didn't even have a friend that I could confide my deepest darkest secrets and dreams in, and that felt awful. I closed off my feelings and didn't trust anyone, ever. Although I know to have great friends, you must be one too. I always thought I was a great friend, until I met Dusty, Dennis, Dan and Ann.

Dusty is not only my partner in life, but my co-partner in crime, my confidant, my core soul, my love, my family, my husband, my rock, my salvation, my sanity, my dream, and my fullfillment. I can share things with her that I would NEVER reveal to anyone and she still loves me more everyday. I don't know how I survived without her, or ever even thought I could, but now that I am home, I know I am where God planned for me to be. I have so much love for her I think my heart would burst if I tried to cram more in, but my heart stretches with it more and more every day.

Dennis and Dan, I met around the same time, Dan because of Dennis, and Dennis because of Dusty. Dennis and Dan have become my other two souls. I have never in my life met two people so loving and giving and generous and beautiful. They have shown me that friends CAN be unconditional and love you no matter what. They might not agree with me everyday, but they love and support me no matter what. They are truely the definition family of choice. They make me want to be a better friend to everyone I meet, just so I can carry on what they have given to me. I love them so much.

Ann is a relatively new friend compared to my D's, but a true friend I have found in her. I know I can trust her with all that I have and I get the same from her. I believe what she says and I know she would protect me no matter what. She is someone who I didn't expect to have come back into my life, but am so grateful she has. She let's me use my better friend teaching on her and it works!

These four souls have saved mine numerous times, and they have all taught me the song in my own heart at times when I have forgotten it.

I love you.
d

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."- Eleanor Roosevelt -

Keep Your Head Up Yogi

I know it's not easy, I know it's not fun. I know it's hard to watch me go to work each morning and you not. I know it's hard to swallow that fear when we talk about the future and your first thought is, if we have money, or if you have a job.

It will all be OK. I have faith in you, I have faith in your abilities and I have faith in us. I support you 100% because I love you AND because your worth it. I am proud of you each day for waking and taking the time you have and making the efforts you need. You will succeed.

Fear is the obstacle, but you have the tools to overcome. If you need more from me, all you have do to is ask and have patience with the world. Blessings are often in disguise, and it takes us a while to recognize them, especially when we have our minds set somewhere else.

I love you so very much and it just feels good to the be the woman next to you.